ap·a·thy (p-th)
n.
1. Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.
2. Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.
Last month I went back to work full-time, having been a student for the previous year and a half. Since that point I have once again been consumed with the efforts involved in being a professional - commuting 3hrs each day, participating in numerous meetings, flying around the country, working late into the evening, struggling to meet deadlines and beyond that, attempting to spend as much time with my husband and daughter.
I'm up at 6am and go to bed at 10.30pm, and I barely stop to catch my breath in between. Weekends are really my only respite, but they are dedicated almost wholly to family and friends.
It is probably no surprise then that during the same period my participation in this forum has declined dramatically. Sliding progressively from being one of the most active users, slowly down the list. My "ranking" doesn't bother me per say, but my decline is somewhat symbolic.
It's not that I care any less about development issues than I did a month ago, I am simply finding it harder and harder to spend any real time thinking about them, or perhaps more importantly, doing anything about them. And I suppose I'm in no way unique in this matter.
When I was at university I studied social and economic development, I was president of a student human rights group and volunteered and interned with a range of organisations. I was determined to dedicate my working life to development, and upon graduating set about applying to various organisations from the well known to the more obscure.
With a first-class masters I thought my chances would be pretty good, but time after time I was turned down. Lack of experience.
I realised that the only way I was going to get a job in the sector was to volunteer, but with mounting debt and parents unable to support me there was no way I could afford to work for nothing. So I went into project management and then became a management consultant believing that by gaining "transferable skills" I could one day move my career back in the direction of development.
In reality (as it is right now) work consumed most of my waking hours and those that remained I wanted to spend with my family and friends. Gradually I stopped thinking about human rights, poverty, abuse and all those other issues that had been so high on my agenda - at least in any meaningful way. I became apathetic.
It is an experience that has given me insight into how much of the population functions. The vast majority of people are so wrapped up in their day-to-day existence - going to work, paying the bills, visiting their family, walking the dog - that there is barely any room left to think about anyone beyond their immediate circle.
Aside from donating money to a charity, or perhaps doing something in aid of an organistion, most people dedicate very little of their time to development issues.
Considering the fact I'm someone who has had a longstanding interest in the topic, and yet is still struggling to stay motivated it does make me wonder how we can succeed in drawing people from their own state of apathy and convince them to think beyond their own well being.
At first I thought: ‘Jodi, please stick to the theme of this blogging competition, it is all about MDGs’. But when I finished reading it I sat back and realised that what you write here is true, oh so true… Then I read it again and thought: This is courageous, to write like this, openly admit shortcomings, self-reflect, etc. Well done Jodi!
Hi Jodi. So does this mean you got the PhD? If so, congratulations! That’s a milestone out of the way. I can relate to what you say, although with me I’ve felt that getting older has had something to do with it. In fact, with all the reading I’ve had to do for my PhD, I’ve had the chance to confront both sides of just about any issue I’m interested in, and that’s made me less sure about a lot of things. So I’m ironically less of an activist now than I was when I was younger, more idealistic, and working full-time…
Jodi! I believe Apathy comes and goes in everybody…but let’s just keep it like this and not staying!
Thanks for your article!
Apathy or… One of the Tibetan sages defined three kinds of laziness:
1. We spend life on eating and sleeping.
2. We say: “Somebody like me will never manage to achieve anything important”, and do not even try.
3. We waste life on second-class issues. Dedicate ourselves to solving minute problems and do it endlessly, repeating that just after we settle this particular thing, we will take care of something meaningful.
Most of us, hapless beings, act like that.
@ Elsje - no, haven’t finished my PhD. Doing it part time (kind of!!!). Couldn’t justify not working when I realised I didn’t want to be an academic. But I know what you mean about apathy and loss of idealism going hand in hand. I really thought I knew how to make a difference in the world when I was in my early twenties (a bit self righteous if I’m honest) but now I’m almost paralysed with the reality that making any real changes in the world is almost impossible. Sure we can make a difference, but it will be small.
@ Andrea - yes, apathy is a battleground! I’m struggling to stay motivated this time.
@ Robert - the second point reminds me of the saying “better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all”. While we might not think we can make a difference, at least we can make a good attempt at it.
Thanks for the comments everyone!
Hello Jodi,
“wrapped up in day to day business”....
I have set this aside for the last one and a half years. I developed my blog (see link in my profile) and have been very busy with this blogging competition. And been living of my savings.
Unfortunately I also have to pay rent and eat and soon it will be time to get ‘wrapped up’ again.
Somehow there is something wrong and you put the finger on the sore spot. Well done.
@ Johan - I know how you feel, you’re in the same position as I was. Taking a 18 months to study really allowed me to open my mind back up to important world issues again and it’s difficult knowing that you’re going back down the same old path where that will fade. In a perfect situation you would get “wrapped up” in something that allowed you to support yourself and your ideals. That’s my hope somewhere down the track, that I’ll have got myself into a position where I can work in development and not have to worry about mortgages and food and clothes!
Jodi, I know exactly where you are coming from. A year ago I worked in one of the Polish NGO’s. Now I am working… from Ireland. Only a month ago I managed to pay off my debts and I am obviously less effective in the work for the charity while working from a distance. The work in development cooperation sector may be sometimes so little rewarding you actually feel like giving up and forgetting about ‘anyone beyond your immediate circle’.
Thumbs up, Jodi, great article.
This is life one would say, but also this is something like a reason why we struggle in the whole world to implement issues. Because all this is voluntary not as work.
Jodi - you’re speaking my language. I do the same: 3 hour commute, up at 6 and in bed by 10, always running to stand still.
I think the very fact that you took the time to write this post highlights that development issues are not far from your brain. While, right now, you are balancing practicalities of life with your ideologies and the former is winning, this won’t always be the case. Hang in there, you’ll find a way to make a difference while not being completely broke.
Nice to know I’m not alone!
@ Clare - I’m impressed you’re managing to remain so active on the blog being so busy! Kudos.
Ah, I blog in fits and starts. Lots all at once and then little for ages. I’m not as active as I’d like to be, put it that way.